What a year....
Im Honestly overwhelmed when I think back over ALL of the incredible and difficult things that have happened this year...
I could give some long winded speech about blessings and progress and honest hard work... But I'm simply and honestly to scatter brained today to get it done. Sophia's been under the weather more this season then any other in her life... needless to say, I've been on mommy overdrive.. and I can't seem to form a good thought today.. However I wouldn't feel complete without some formal reflection of our amazing year.. I decided to countdown the 14 biggest lessons we leaned in this year..
14: Life is Unfair:
No big new there... but at some point or another everyone will have something happen to them that will make them question who they are to the core of their being. on january 30th 2014, Getting Sophia's official diagnosis, did just that for me. It turned me inside out. It marked that point in my life between what was and what will be. It was the single most terrifying and liberating moment I've ever experienced. This year has reshaped me into the women i was intended to become. for that I am so thankful
13: Sometimes there is no"right" way to go...
So many times this year we have had to pick between bad and worse... uncomfortable or unbearable...hard and impossible... sometimes things just aren't okay, and they won't be for a while..... but thats okay.. The trick is recognizing that it is a phase of your life that will teach you a lesson and pass on. If you let them , hard times will stay forever.. you need to be ok with not being okay... before you can get better. You have to be strong enough to weather the storm before it can pass.. I; have learned to be okay in the moments of sheer uncertainty that inevitably come with this life.
12: Love really can't concur all:
It just can't . whoever made up that phrase obviously didn't have real problems. Its not magic, or a cure all.
.... It takes respect, vulnerability, honesty, friendship and communication to even make love work. But assuming LOVE alone will ensure the success of your relationship is pretty much only ensuring failure.....
11: I can accomplish nearly anything given enough caffeine.
Coffee and I have always been tight. But this year.. my obsession became an addiction. It really does makes my world go round. Coffee, Mmmmm... I should make some now.... i need to work on this, it isn't that good for me... but remember the hard or impossible choices thing... yeah me giving up coffee got filed under impossible and vetoed.....
10: Motherhood causes ADD
I Swear I used to be able to form a full concept in my head.... now its like...
Coffee, Mickey, Mix her miralax, get her bottle, feed the fish, I HAVE TO CALL XYZ TODAY!!! DO NOT FORGET!! , wait did i make her that bottle?, what time is it, am I wearing a bra? mickey, did i brush my hair yet( touches head ) nope! can't forget to do that before we leave...speaking of leaving do not forget to drop off that letter!!
I like to call it my motherhood onset ADD....the fact that i can get out this thought all at once is incredible....
09: People suck
08: Some people really-really suck
We are going to just bunch these two together. Every smiling face is not a friend.. and even some friends aren't really friends.. people are curious and they are kind but that doesn't equal a friend....Opening up to people on a one on one level is very hard for me and letting people get to know sophia and be in her life isn't easy for me either.. and I've had so many people this year just let me down in so many ways.... ill just sum it up with some people suck more then others... but a lot of people are just shitty and selfish .. Don't try to hard to understand them, they hardly understand themselves... there are ignorant and intolerant people everywhere. The sooner you accept that the happier you will be.
07: Stress cooking solves almost everything...
Cupcakes, Cookies, Pies, soup, stew..... the more prep the better.. mindless work that gives me the chance to have complete control out of the outcome a given situation.... its a beautiful thing.
06: Goal Setting: Its how you move forward...
...........who knew?! I wish I had listened in the fourth grade...cause its working for me.
05: Do what feels good to you.
No two lives are the same.. don't expect people who aren't living in your life to understand the choices you make. You have to do what feels right to you. despite how crazy it looks to other people and under no circumstances should you make a choice based on the expectations of others.
04: Ask for help.
The weight of sophia diagnosis was crushing , and sometimes still is. But one of the most crucial things I have figured out this year is that I am not expected to carry this load alone. Asking for help is one of the strongest things a person can do. It takes courage to admit that you need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on..reaching out for someone else, is WAY harder then sticking your hand in your pocket... but I'm glad i learned how.....
03: I have a talenent and a passion...
my biggest and most consistant prayer is 2015 will help me bring it to life.. stay tuned!!
02: I am blessed... beyond measure....
I have been given the chance to pioneer something... to blaze a trail.. to set a standard.. All because of this beautiful immeasurable force that is my daughter sophia... She really has given me everything I never knew I always needed... when this year started I was still heavily grieving the loss of the life i had imagined... as i bring this year to a close i have a new perspective on our journey and now that the shock is finally starting to subside... I am able rot refocus my tear soaked eyes on just exactly how beautiful my life is... Simple yet Significant. I wouldn't want it any other way.
01: We got this.....
I don't think that I will ever be able to appropriately explain the amount of crushing uncertainty that you get when your in a position like ours.... So many innumerable reasons to hang our heads and shuffle our feet...
I am so proud of the way we have risen to the occasion . The way we have met fear with love and ignorance with education....The way we have not let each other drift off to the edges of this.. we stayed together in the thick of it.. despite arguments and sleepless nights.... bad appointments and meltdowns... despite fear and uncertainty ..despite crushing unrelenting pressure to grow and be more and do more every day.. we stuck together as one unit... not placing blame, or pushing each other away. not stuffing down the ugly parts and covering them with a fake smile.. we have gone into the fire and come out stronger for it..... The theme of this year if i had to pick one would be HOPE...
I am ending 2014 with one very important thing that was noticeably absent when this year began...
and that thing is hope.
Thank you for your continued support, blessing to you and yours.
Be looking for big things from us in the new year !!!
