Our new path

Along with the diagnosis of bilateral hearing loss we also got a referral to Connecticuts early intervention group called birth to three. I was given 3 choices of facilities dealing with hearing impared children. Two of the three taught sign language and only one focused on spoken words, with NO reliance on sign language ... I was 100 % against my child using sign as her way of communication.. Not because there is something wrong with sign. Just because I refused to lower my expectations of my daughter simply because she needed hearing aids. They would correct her ability to hear therefore she will be able to lean words! So we selected our  B-3 provider to be CREC Soundbridge. 

The first time we went to Soundbridge was to meet with the audiologist who would be following Sophia, the director of the Soundbridge program , my service coordinator and Sophia's teacher for the hearing impaired ( the last two titles were the same woman wearing two hats) . It was intimidating for sure. I tried my best to stay open minded. 

Since the night I got Sophia's diagnosis to this day was like 2 weeks in between. In those two weeks I found a healthy headspace about Sophia and her new path. I made the choice not to let this stop anything. All of life's obstacles are only as hard to overcome as u decide they will be. I decided that this would measly be one aspect of my child's life and I will handle it with great care and respect. I also decided that I would not let this define her.  She wasn't going to be a walking talking hearing aid. She's a little girl who can still live a full life.. At this point I still had full hope of her walking, talking, playing sports or an instrument in school. I had no reason not to think she was going to be just like everyone else, only with a little help from hearing aides. 

We fitted Sophie for her new ear molds and made an appointments to do more hearing tests... 

 when it came time to select hearind aide colors they offered me hearing aides in skin tones to try and blend it in, make it less noticeable ... 

Something about that was so offensive to me.! I was a lot of things when I found out Sophia had hearing loss. I was scared of the questions she would ask " mommy why do I have to be different" "why don't they let me play" I was nervous that I wouldn't use them right ( I didn't know a damn thing about hearing aides before this) I was scared of what this would mean for her future. Would she find love, would she have a best friend, will she be ashamed? That last question was the one that hit me that hardest. I NEVER WANT HER TO BE ASHAMED, ever. I don't ever want her to look in the mirror and hate what she sees. With that though I built a whole attitude towards Sophia and her hearing loss. 

We will not hide from it. We will not run from it. We will not hide it from the world. We will CELEBRATE it! We will embrace it. We will treat it as though it were as normal as a stubbed toe . This is not a disability, it doesn't make her any less able. I won't let it. I convinced myself that as long as we have the right attitude and work hard enough she will be right at the place she is ment to be .

So with that in my heart and playing over in my mind, we choose bright baby pink hearing aides witn clear sparkling ear molds . She's a little girl. I will treat this like any other item she wears. It must be cute, girly and above all never hidden . I will raise her to answer questions with pride and dignity. To ignore ignorance and to be proud of who she is. " what's wrong with your ears?!" She will say "nothing I heard that question just fine, have a nice day" . 

I had a very important revaluation in the Soundbridge office that day. I will not allow my family to lay down and be victims. I won't allow us to be put in a corner, nobody puts my baby in a corner or a box. Just because its called a disability doesn't mean I have to treat it that way. There is no rule book on how to raise a child with hearing loss. So I'm not letting it change my plans. I'm more motivated to succeed in school and in life. That day with the simple offer of skin toned hearing aides I snapped out of my zombie like state and made the choice to take control of this new thing in my life, I realized i had power over it.  I also realized that if I didn't start now right at the start with a healthy attitude, then Sophia would likely never have a positive look on it either. I had to pave the way for my baby. I am her trailblazer and I can't ever forget that. It all starts with me. 

I will get cut, burned, beaten and scared making this path for my beautiful baby. It will exhaust every once of my willpower. It will make me question everything I have ever known to be right and true. But I will do it anyways. I will do it with a greatful heart and a peaceful soul. 

This is my family's path. We walk a path that we carve ourselves. It is a road never traveled. It is a lonely dark and cold place to be sometimes. But when the sun does shine here. It shines in breathtakingly beautiful facets That have never been seen before. For that is the hidden blessing in our struggle. when we do get a glimpse of Sophia getting something for the first time. Or when she looks right at me and says "AMMA!" The pride and joy I feel in my heart explodes into a thousand tiny little pieces of love that always pour down my cheeks. 

This life is hard. But I have the blessing of knowing true love, in a form many people will never be blessed enough to experience. 

Truly unconditional love that endures all hardships.